Then Peter came to Him and asked, “Lord, how many times will my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? Up to seven times?”
AMP Matthew 18:21-22
Forgiving someone can be incredibly challenging, especially when that person is unrepentant and shows no desire for forgiveness. When I first decided to forgive my mother, she still denied her abusive behavior.
OUR HISTORY
In my youth, I tried to reach out for help, but people found it hard to believe that this charming woman could be abusive. Eventually, an adult I confided in returned to tell my mother, which only amused her. Leaving home was not an option either, as I had a younger sister to protect. I don’t think my mother enjoyed being abusive; she just had a vicious temper. She was caught in a cycle of violence and denial passed down from her own parents.
The last time my mother physically assaulted me, I was seventeen and pregnant. Unfortunately, I didn’t handle it well; in a moment of anger, I threatened to take her life if she ever touched me again. Although the physical abuse stopped, the emotional and verbal abuse worsened. At the time, I didn’t realize that I had become my mother’s emotional dumping ground.
In my thirties, I fell ill and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I experienced a year-long flare-up that kept me mostly confined to bed. Witnessing my suffering eventually led my mother to repent. I vividly remember her sobbing, admitting to the abuse, and asking for forgiveness.
At that moment, I could honestly tell her that I both loved her and had already forgiven her. I no longer viewed her as a parent, but rather as a wounded child. However, I had to establish healthy boundaries for my own well-being and for my family. Over time, she ceased to be toxic to me. Yet, when she passed away, she still carried her own wounds. Some wounds run deep and have a long history; forgiveness is a conscious act of will and a gift of God’s grace.