God did not choose me because of who I am, but in spite of who I am.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Heritage
How you perceive your past reflects on your present and overcoming large generational obstacles can be a bitter pill. I come from four generations of broken people. With Gods guidance my history has become a resource of instruction.
Broken Generations
My moms mother, Margaret was Native American and forced to receive her education in a brutal American Indian boarding school. My grandfather Oliver was a severe alcoholic. His mother came from money, but getting pregnant in 1909 out of wedlock, shut that door. I remember my great-grandmother as being distant and self-involved.
We never had a chance
My grandparents were broken before they got married therefore they both loved and hated one another. They raised their ten living children in a broken dysfunctional home. Food and clothing were luxuries, violence and shame took its place.
I began my life here
My mom got pregnant with me when she was sixteen years old. She was sent to Girlstown-USA not long after I was born. I spent my first five years with my grandparents. By the time I arrived my grandparents had calmed down and government food assistance was available. I remember my grandfather being drunk the majority of time and my grandmother being overwhelmed. My aunt Kay who was six years my senior looked after me.
The Journey starts with the first step
Perspective
God is still helping me to learn and heal from my past. During my journey people have treated me with kindness as well as contempt. Looking back at my childhood still stings in some areas. But I do my best to remember we all make decisions based on the amount of knowledge we have. Having made plenty of bad choices myself, I choose to forgive those who have wounded me. My decision to share is to encourage you to think about how you affect the lives of those around you. I hope you find my words uplifting and instructive.
When I feared the past, I found myself repeating the same destructive patterns. It has been through acknowledgment, repentance and Gods guidance my healing began. I try treat others with respect and be an example of Gods love. Being human and flawed I am not always successful.
Deann Daniels
"Think about the circumstances of your call, brothers and sisters. Not many were wise by human standards, not many were powerful, not many were born to a privileged position. But God chose what the world thinks foolish to shame the wise, and God chose what the world thinks weak to shame the strong. God chose what is low and despised in the world, what is regarded as nothing, to set aside what is regarded as something, so that no one can boast in his presence." (1Cor 1:26-29)
Being an adult Begins
I am Christian, wife, mother, and grandmother. My most significant relationship and the one I have utilized in developing the others is my journey with God. Like most broken people my relationships did not start healthy and became more warped as they developed. At the age of seventeen, I got pregnant with my daughter. I met Kurt two years later. By the age of twenty-four, I realized I desperately needed Gods help. It took three more years for me to be willing to accept all Gods help came with.
People learn from what they see
I knew what It felt like to be brought up in a dysfunctional household. My desire from childhood was to one day have a stable home for my own family. However, I was unable to provide a loving secure home for our children nor be a faithful understanding wife for Kurt.
The past shapes how we perceive God
Due to my family a relationship with God was unappealing. My mom loved the Lord yet she was very competitive with others who also believed. My stepdad Jimmy came from a religious upper middle-class family. Jimmy’s family constantly reminded us how unworthy we were. “Your so lucky Jimmy loves you, He is not even your real dad.” This reinforced my damaged perspective of Gods nature.
Look to God not man
The guilt I felt for not being capable of showing sincere love motivated me to reach out to God. I began with prayer and then I sought fellowship by visiting churches and bible studies. What I witnessed in organized religion was a country club for the individuals who understood the rules and a con game for those who did not. The constant backbiting and competing I witnessed in churches pushed me away.
All fall short of the glory of God
My husband was more successful with the church crowd and could not comprehend how rejected I felt. I did not understand enough of the bible or Gods nature to realize all people are flawed even Christians. This is when I turned to substance abuse and suicide attempts to shut out the ache. Kurt and I separated, he took the children soon after. Looking back, I know God allowed this isolation to force me to face my past and my healing could begin.
God can handle your anger
Within a few months God sent Kurt to reason with me. I did not want to speak with Kurt at first. I was angry with him and God for letting me down. Eventually I began to considering us getting back together, but I feared my nature would put my family in danger. So I pushed Kurt away and doubled down on my self destruction. Nevertheless God was still watching over me. Every time I made a serious suicide attempt, I would end up in jail. Being locked up gave me the ability to sober up, study the bible and talk to God.
Choose
One night as I was driving by Kurts house God asked me to choose. I did not realize at the time it was our anniversary. Kurt needed me to come home that night. God had answered his prayers. I was picked up the next day on a warrant. God used the the next few weeks developing our relationship.
Time to forgive
It took years for Kurt and I to forgive one another. Eventually with Gods help we became a strong couple who genuinely love each other. This site is about the lessons we learn on the journey to healing.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
Our true value is not based on our behavior or the approval of others, but on what God’s Word says is true of us.
Robert S. McGee , The Search For Significance
Have Questions?
Frequently Asked
Questions
Why do I keep making the same mistakes?
Many of Gods children put on façade to keep from being labeled unrepentant. Hopefully they will find healing before they become weary of the pretense.
From my own personal experience the obvious flaws we see and others point out as evidence of an unrepentant nature, may not be the issue God is dealing with. Each of His children are unique and only He knows what is needed.
I have found it simpler to think of myself as a house that is full of clutter. It is up to God who leads me through each area and helps me to sort out the good from the bad.
“But the Lord said to Samuel, Do not take note of his face or how tall he is, because I will not have him: for the Lord’s view is not man’s; man takes note of the outer form, but the Lord sees the heart.” (1Sa 16:7 BBE)
God did not permit me much pretense.
I used to feel like I was carrying around a huge cross with a sign that said saved by grace. LOL
Why don’t I feel God when I pray?
God always hears our prayers, but we are not always able hear His response.
I have only heard God supernaturally once. The other times my answers came through observations and a still small voice.
I used to ask God questions that seemed simple but the answer was a whole conversation that took time to receive and understand.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is Eternal."2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)
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