My sister, Lisa, and her husband, Rich, struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction. Lisa also experienced deeply traumatic events. Following our mother’s death, she fled home and lived a rough lifestyle. As a consequence, she witnessed the murder of a friend right before her eyes, likely inflicting severe psychological harm. This trauma made her extremely paranoid, creating an environment where I always felt like a suspect, while her husband acted as her enforcer. I recall my desire to be a good kid, yet I was constantly blamed for things I didn’t do. When accused, I could only stand there and cry, unable to defend myself, often accepting punishment for arbitrary wrongdoings she imagined. At times, this even resulted in physical violence against me. The situation drove me further into my introverted shell, leading to nervous tics and peptic ulcers by the age of sixteen. If I had shared this, they would have just laughed. These ulcers plagued me for most of my life, and I nearly bled to death at twenty-five.
My introversion was so severe that I could hardly make eye contact. Developing relationships felt nearly impossible, which hindered my ability to collaborate effectively with other musicians. I often found myself frustrated that I couldn’t express my ideas clearly and worried that the silence would make others uneasy. As a result, I primarily focused on writing acoustic-based songs. Surprisingly, I managed to overcome my shyness when it came to singing on stage, although my nervous habits were likely noticeable— and they still are! My music expressed my anger toward God and my frustration with my own limitations. There was a local underground venue in Fort Worth, Texas, called The Axis, where the owners kindly allowed me to perform between bands. This opportunity eventually encouraged other musicians to approach me about forming a band, which helped boost my confidence. However, at that time, I was also numbing my pain with alcohol and psychedelic drugs, seeking any means to escape my reality.
When I first met the woman who would become my wife, our connection flourished largely due to her innate compassion. She was able to penetrate the barriers I had constructed around myself while I was trying to exist within my own confines. Her strength enabled her to shatter those limitations. At that moment, it was exactly what I needed, and through her influence, I felt Jesus’s presence reach me. She had endured multiple miscarriages, which began to take a toll on her well-being. When she became pregnant with our son, she suffered similar symptoms once again. Feeling utterly powerless, I yearned to make a difference. Ultimately, this led me to surrender to God. I prayed for a miracle and committed my life to Him. Almost immediately, I gained confidence about our son’s birth and felt reassured that everything would turn out well. And it did. We named him Christian.
I won’t pretend that serving God has been easy, but it has certainly been rewarding. It took God decades to mend the damage my family caused in just seven years. However, He worked through my stubbornness and ultimately broke me—a process that was no small feat. I even ended up with a broken hip, which my friends humorously dubbed me Jacob, as I wrestled with God. The wisdom God has granted me over the years has far exceeded anything I thought I wanted. I wouldn’t trade what’s in my mind for anything; it is a treasure worth safeguarding with my life. I wish I could simply share this wisdom with others, but that’s not how it works. We tend to believe we’ve found life’s good things on our own, so we can hold onto them. God understands this, as He is the creator of our nature. That’s why it’s crucial to have a personal relationship with Him rather than just follow religion. He teaches us through our experiences, making our God-given wisdom personal and truly our treasure.
So, the only real wisdom we can convey effectively is emphasized repeatedly in scripture, and it comes down to one simple job: to not tell people “what” they should believe, but “who” they should believe in. Through your own sincere and personal relationship with Jesus, you will obtain treasure beyond compare.
