At seventeen, I became engaged to a young man named Jason who was in the Marines and discovered that I was pregnant. I was excited about the prospect of having someone to whom I could show unconditional love. I was determined to embrace my roles as an adult and a parent. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I felt it was essential to break the cycle that had affected our family for generations to give my child better opportunities. This incident also marked the last time my mother attempted to physically harm me. I realized it was my responsibility to protect my child and clarified that I would no longer tolerate her violence. However, when my fiancé returned from basic training, the thought of becoming a parent scared him, and we ended our engagement.
I moved to California to stay with my Aunt Kay until I gave birth. Despite her troubles, Kay kept me safe and fed until I found my footing. We lived in the beautiful San Bernardino Mountains. Most of my aunt’s friends were bikers, but to my surprise, they organized a baby shower for me and helped prepare the house I would rent. Shortly after arriving in California, my mother sent my sister Bethany to live with me while she planned to come later. Bethany attended school while I managed the household and prepared for the birth of my child. When my mother finally arrived, she brought my dad’s new wife and her neighbor, treating my home like a vacation party, making things even more difficult for me. I realized that my mother had no intention of letting me go. I felt that my only chance for normalcy was to return to Texas with my dad. So, after the birth of my daughter, I said goodbye to my Aunt Kay and returned to Texas.
Things were relatively calm for my daughter’s first year and a half. I studied for and passed my G.E.D. and briefly attended business school. I preferred the stability of my dad’s house. However, when my mother and Johnny started fighting, I often had to move back in to help keep the peace. I now realize that neither of these households provided a healthy environment. To everyone’s surprise, my mother became pregnant with my youngest sister, Chanel. This pregnancy prompted her to examine her lifestyle and attempt to slow down. By then, Maurie was old enough to attend daycare, and I started looking for a job. I found a decent-paying position relatively quickly and began planning to rent a home. I also started dating and met Kurt shortly after entering the dating scene.
Kurt was an introverted musician who wore mismatched All-Star Converse shoes. Initially, I struggled with him because he was a dreamer. However, we eventually became friends, and I enjoyed his company. I admired his down-to-earth humility, which made me feel at ease around him. While helping me move into my new apartment, he met Maurie one day. From the moment they met, their bond was undeniable, and I started to see Kurt in a romantic light. Not long after we began dating, Kurt nervously confessed that he was falling in love with me and revealed that he was agnostic. I found it hard to believe that he had fallen in love so quickly, and his lack of faith frightened me. As a result, I broke things off and asked him to leave. In the following weeks, I ran into a few mutual friends who teased me about our breakup. After reflecting on the situation, I realized I had probably overreacted and contacted Kurt. As we talked, I knew I had hurt him deeply. We spoke for a long time and opened up to each other.
